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COMMENTARY
The Gift of FORGIVENESS
Richard Sipe
As reported in the 12/04 issue of In the Vineyard Richard Sipe gave
a talk on “Forgiveness of Clergy Sexual Abuse” to a VOTF gathering
in St. Paul, Minn. His words have resonated ever since and are frequently
excerpted
or reprinted in full for their timeless value. Sipe is a psychotherapist
and former Benedictine monk and priest. For more than 30 years, he has been
engaged
in research on the institution and practice of priestly celibacy. The full
text of the talk is available here.
Below is a short excerpt from Dr. Sipe’s conclusion:
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Forgive and be willing to be forgiven.
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Forgiveness is a declaration not a feeling.
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Forgiveness is not an event. It is a constant process and a way of being.
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Forgiveness breaks the cycle of resentment and revenge.
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Forgiveness does not imply approval of those we forgive nor does it impose
an obligation to associate with them.
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Forgiveness is a gift. It is not earned or deserved.
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Forgiveness frees us from the burdens of regret, grudges, retaliation,
and fear.
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Forgiveness is an acceptance of life and frees us for living.
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Forgiveness is good for us.
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Demand the truth from yourself and those
with whom you wish to relate: especially representatives of
religion.
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Deal constructively with reality, no matter how harsh.
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Be willing to change. Personal healing is not possible without changing.
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Work toward freeing yourself from symptoms, tensions, and anxieties that
were produced by violations
and betrayal by religious powers.
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Find satisfaction in forgiveness, giving and receiving it.
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Establish close relationships of mutual satisfaction and helpfulness,
free from the traumas
and scars of the past.
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Direct your instinctive angry energy into creative and constructive action.
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Expand your capacity to love. Love is more powerful than any violation
personal or institutional.
Charity
does really
heal. Perfect
charity
heals
perfectly.
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