COMMENTARY

The Gift of FORGIVENESS
Richard Sipe


As reported in the 12/04 issue of In the Vineyard Richard Sipe gave a talk on “Forgiveness of Clergy Sexual Abuse” to a VOTF gathering in St. Paul, Minn. His words have resonated ever since and are frequently excerpted or reprinted in full for their timeless value. Sipe is a psychotherapist and former Benedictine monk and priest. For more than 30 years, he has been engaged in research on the institution and practice of priestly celibacy. The full text of the talk is available here.

Below is a short excerpt from Dr. Sipe’s conclusion:

  • Forgive and be willing to be forgiven.
  • Forgiveness is a declaration not a feeling.
  • Forgiveness is not an event. It is a constant process and a way of being.
  • Forgiveness breaks the cycle of resentment and revenge.
  • Forgiveness does not imply approval of those we forgive nor does it impose an obligation to associate with them.
  • Forgiveness is a gift. It is not earned or deserved.
  • Forgiveness frees us from the burdens of regret, grudges, retaliation, and fear.
  • Forgiveness is an acceptance of life and frees us for living.
  • Forgiveness is good for us.

 

ALTERNATE CONCLUSION

  • Demand the truth from yourself and those with whom you wish to relate: especially representatives of religion.
  • Deal constructively with reality, no matter how harsh.
  • Be willing to change. Personal healing is not possible without changing.
  • Work toward freeing yourself from symptoms, tensions, and anxieties that were produced by violations and betrayal by religious powers.
  • Find satisfaction in forgiveness, giving and receiving it.
  • Establish close relationships of mutual satisfaction and helpfulness, free from the traumas and scars of the past.
  • Direct your instinctive angry energy into creative and constructive action.
  • Expand your capacity to love. Love is more powerful than any violation personal or institutional.
Charity does really heal. Perfect charity heals perfectly.

 



In the Vineyard
January 26, 2006
Volume 5, Issue 2
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