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AN
EXCHANGE OF HEARTS
[What follows is part of an e-mail listserv exchange
between two members of VOTF, Anne Southwood in Marshfield,
Massachusetts
and Paul Post in Seattle, Washington. We reprint it here
with their permission. The conversation began when Anne
responded to an inquiry from another Mass. VOTFer, Dan
Dick, who was (and is) frustrated by what he sees
as a deficit in rage among so many Catholics as the institutional
Church seems to continue with impunity its destructive
behavior.]
Excerpt from Anne’s response to Dan:
I’ve been beyond mad for four years. In this case,
however, the punching arm would be forever lost in a morass – it
would be like punching a sticky, amorphous, bottomless
and limitless Pillsbury dough boy. Easy satisfaction is
not possible; beyond mad requires beyond normal reactions.
I’m just thankful that I have a base to reach into
my being to generate continued response in a hopefully
helpful way. In all our diversity, I think we are surviving
an impossible situation unfolding for the past four years,
in the best way in the long run.
No, it is not the only way, and discerning the possible
has been at times very difficult for us all, but I think
it a Godward response on the whole. If we are all called
to holiness, is there not a common ground to the definition
which involves all the stove burners responding to the
pilot light?
Paul Post replied:
There is virtually none of us who has not been abused.
Who would make the error of allowing their mind to think
that the form of abuse “I” endured was somehow
qualitatively more terrible that the abuse “he” or “she” endured?
Sexual abuse is thought to penetrate into the soul more
deeply, to wound it more profoundly, to scar the psyche
more implacably. The darkening of the Light in our dearest
friend’s eyes, the extinguishing of the joyful
voice in your child, the exquisite pain of a tortured
parent or of a young woman who can not “reach” the
heart of her chosen.
There is the perpetuation of pain as boldly as if it
stands in the crosswalk and denies Love to pass through
to the injured. God suffers an unrequited love for mankind,
and we suffer in a world that is occupied by those who
actively loathe that Light in the eyes, that Joy and
happiness in a child and want to crush it out, and gain
pleasure in doing so.
How then do we respond to this? How do we find a way
to feel so much anguish yet feel joyful and full of the
Light of real delight in the gift of Life we have? Is
that not our biggest single problem in this work? How
do we do this work, yet remain ourselves Joyful and Delightful
and as attractive and beautiful as God would like us
to be?
I would suggest that proximity to and contact with these
issues is much like handling radioactive waste. Without
great care, and protection, we can find ourselves becoming
sick – in this case, in the spirit. We can unwittingly
find ourselves becoming mean spirited, and full of rage.
Our outlook can become dark, and our joy and lightness
of heart becomes heavy. (For this reason, a lot of folk
leave VOTF.)
It is essential that we recognize these very human signs
in ourselves, recognize that they indicate we are in distress,
and seek spiritual counsel, and pray for the sort of divine
understanding and compassion that Jesus showed us. In any
case, I believe we must
strive very hard not to condemn either ourselves, or anyone
else. I believe that is a great danger to us spiritually,
as human beings, to be drawn into a path of hardheartedness,
lovelessness, anger, and darkness.
Anne Southwood:
Paul, I take delight in your email. It again reminds me
of the good people in VOTF. Even while you say this – God
suffers an unrequited love for mankind, and we suffer in
a world that is occupied by those who actively loathe that
Light in the eyes, that Joy and happiness in a child. And
want to crush it out…. You still reach for this – joyful
and full of the Light of real delight in the gift of Life
we have?
I really understand theology best as personal reaction
and response, joined in community. Lord knows, it wasn’t
easy for people to absorb shocking revelations, but I
see the VOTF reaction as
theological…. I see initial local response, and
now the national response, as one of very different people
contributing to ecclesia.
The key – and our strength – is in that response.
We helped each other to deal and mature as Christians
as well as offering support to survivors – and
are now joined in modeling a more compelling Church.
Is not a vision of a more relational and energized Church
based on Gospel values necessary? Such a bold hope as
changing entrenched attitudes requires vision. Despite
the fact that sociologists say major change to an institution
from within is nearly impossible, could I be bold enough
to think that in our visionary response we were called
to try? We don’t know the extent of the possible
until we do.
It is difficult to contact joy at times; ET can only
keep on, phoning home for help. Just as the memory of
personal suffering can help us relate to the pain of
survivors, thankfulness for past delight can hold us
in the arena…. In any case, if we just help each
other, we’re doing good theology. How shall we
know them? By the way they love each other.
Paul Post writing to Peggie Thorp:
My writing is very much about the individual experience
of evil, an individual response to it, etc. And after all,
we are all individuals. But Anne brings up the important
role of coming together – of congregation, of communion,
becoming “one” in the spirit of Christ, and
how that impacts our understanding of VOTF and how it offers
us as “individuals” a potential of responding
within this exposure, this work, this heartsickness, etc.
It is so important to follow Christ’s suggestion
that when “two or more” are gathered, we are
joined by Him, and we act not just as individuals, or as
a group of protesters, but we act and speak with Him. Anne
presents a very important and uplifting dimension to the
work we share.
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