WORKING GROUP NEWS

“…my Savior’s love to me; love to the loveless, that they might lovely be.” Samuel Crossman 1624-1683

Survivor Community News
Reported by Mike Sweatt

Survivor's Network of Those Abused by Priests and Voice of the Faithful members paid for ads in three mid-coast weeklies, Boothbay Register, Lincoln County News and Wiscasett News to encourage victims who may not have come forward yet, to make contact with professional agencies and survivor groups for support and to help commence healing. The ad can be found at http://www.votfmaine.org/sex_abuse_ad.pdf. The cost was $560. If you would like to help defray the cost of these ads, please send your donation to Voice of the Faithful, ATTN.: Boothbay Ads, PO Box 522, Portland, ME 04112-0522. Any other ideas to help encourage victims to come forward for healing and support are welcome.

Beth Maureen Gray is a survivor and contributes the following reflection on her attendance at the VOTF West Coast conference at the University of San Francisco a few weeks ago. Beth writes that her thoughts are “taken from an e-mail that I sent to my spiritual director and to my therapist on March 27, 2004, the evening of the VOTF conference.”

I attended the VOTF conference today in San Francisco. I got lost in San Francisco and was frazzled when I arrived. I had to really calm myself down so I could go inside. Fortunately, Sr. Celeste from the Archdiocese of San Francisco was there. When I saw her, I felt safe. I sat with her. I told her God had sent her just for me. She had only come for the morning as she is currently on retreat in Sacramento.

The conference was wonderful. I spoke twice during the Question and Answer periods. This was not planned. The first time that I spoke, it was because there was no survivor on the agenda. So I decided to speak.

I began by thanking all of them for their presence. I went on to identify myself as a survivor, a VOTF member and a practicing Catholic. I said that I worked with the Archdiocese of San Francisco and with the Diocese of San Jose. I mentioned how Bishop John Wester and Annabelle had been supportive of me. I told them how frazzled I had been when I arrived, and how seeing Sr. Celeste had helped me to feel safe. I also stated how much Ronna had supported me, and I made her stand up.

I said that survivors do not want to use the legal system (this had been discussed earlier). I said the rigid structure of the hierarchy and their refusal to dialogue with us forces survivors to resort to attorneys. I said many survivors can't get inside Chancery doors. In San Jose and San Francisco, the Chancery people listen to us. It makes a big difference. I asked the VOTF members to write to their respective bishops about this issue.

I said that SNAP reports a victim suicide every 6-8 weeks. I said we also have perpetrators committing suicide. We need to do something different. The way the Church is handling this is not working. We are a Church of love.

I said that the communities need to be prepared to receive survivors. When I came back to the Church, it was difficult at first for some members of the community to have a survivor in their midst. A few parishioners, understandably angry about the scandal, displaced their anger onto me. There is a lot of animosity right now between the Church and survivors. (I should have added that the people in my parish are now my dearest friends and supporters. We have been on a long journey together. My parish life director has worked diligently with the community and with me to facilitate my integration into the community.)

I was very loving and gentle. The words just came. What I did not know at the time was that the conference was being videotaped and that there were press representatives in the room!

After I spoke, we had a break. Many, many people came up to me to talk with me. They thanked me for speaking and for telling my story. I heard stories of other survivors (including victim suicides). I had a mother of a survivor approach me. I had another survivor approach me. I had friends of survivors approach me. It was wonderful. I was able to make some referrals to the San Francisco support group.

Towards the end of the conference, an ex-priest spoke. He is now married, but is involved with the sex abuse crisis. He works with Tom Doyle and Richard Sipe. He was very discouraged, and he defended his brothers, the good priests. His voice was filled with pain.

I again got up and spoke. This time I told about my experience at the Jesuit retreat house two weeks ago when I observed the priests there. I said that I understood this priest's pain. When I had seen the priests at the retreat house, whom I know, I had thought to myself, "These good, holy men, who have dedicated their entire lives to God are all suspect because a few of their brothers breeched the trust of all of us." I said that I had felt very sad.

I told them that we must minister to our good priests. I said the priests in my parish had been devastated when the scandal broke.

I mentioned the Jesuit retreat house and my spiritual director by name. I said it takes courage for survivors to return to the Church. It also takes courage and dedication for clergy to work with survivors. It is not easy to work with us.

This was not the exact sequence. Again, the words just came. At the end, we had a prayer service with the renewal of our baptismal promises. Then we had a procession where we blessed ourselves with holy water. By chance, I ended up leading the procession of almost 400 people! How God works! "And a little child shall lead them."

Many people greeted me warmly during the kiss of peace. They thanked me for sharing. After the conference, one of the conference staff members thanked me for coming. She said that my presence had really added a lot to the day. This made me feel wonderful. I thanked her. I said that I had really liked what I had heard. She thanked me. She said that meant a lot to her.

On my way home, I went to out for dinner. As I waited for my food, I realized that I had mentioned the Jesuit Retreat House, my Jesuit spiritual director, and how the retreats were healing for me at a VOTF conference held at the University of San Francisco, a Jesuit University!!! All those people, at least the Church ones, must have been making many positive connections in their minds. I honestly never thought of any of this. I just said what God told me to say.

I feel very good about the day. I have no idea what will come of it. I had no idea there were press present. God simply told me to speak. So I did.

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